I know by the title you’re all wondering what this could be about.  Well, it is about a letter that I wrote to someone recently and how it’s changed me.

I have been friends with my best guy friend since I was 15 years old.  We don’t live too far from each other, so my sister, him, and I would hang out constantly.  We were only 15 at the time, so we would hang out at night on Mia’s and my driveway.  As we got older and each of us got our licenses’ the driveway hang out spot kind of stuck.  We’d be up until 2am just talking and joking about random things.  Once we graduated high school we hung out only during breaks because he goes to school out of state.  We would make 9pm Starbucks runs nearly every time we hung out and would always carry glow sticks (I don’t know why, it was just the three of our thing).

Last year, my friend and I discovered that we actually had feelings for each other.  He was still out of state so it was a mostly long distance relationship.  We would text and snapchat each other for the better part of our weekdays.  Once he was home for breaks our three-person hangouts just became the two of us (sorry Mia).  We would go to the beach and watch the sunset at Top Of The World in Laguna Beach.  After a nearly six-month relationship, we decided to end things right before summer. He was taking summer classes at school and I was busy with summer classes myself.  It actually ended on the phone being that he was already at school.  I think we both knew it was coming–I thought about it quite a bit and so we decided together it was going to end.

I knew we were still  going to be friends, so it wasn’t a big blow.  However, we never really talked about anything and I still had a lot on my mind that I needed to say before our friendship could get back to normal.  I feel most comfortable writing my feelings down because things won’t be as scattered.  I have actually done this a few times–write letters to a person (that I don’t actually send) to get my feelings down on paper.  Cleansing out the stress and possible negativity in your life, it’s a nice feeling.  Anyway, for some reason this was different.  **And it’s not that I still had feelings, but there were too many things that were left unsaid and I couldn’t stop thinking about those words.

I wrote the letter and edited but, for some reason that wasn’t enough.  I knew I had to give it to him so he knew exactly how I’ve felt.  I hadn’t seen him since the end of May, I tried to get together with him several times to hang out, but to no avail.  So when I texted him telling him that I needed to give him something, he suddenly had time for me.  I knew then I was doing the right thing.

When we met, it was very awkward.  We both didn’t really know how to act to one another but did the best we could.  We tried to catch up with one another, and then I handed him the letter.  A sealed envelope with his name on it in purple ink (that’s the only pen I had! haha).  Then I walked away and went back home.  Now that it’s been a little over a week, I still feel that I had done the right thing.  It was important for me to know that he knew how I felt, and that was the entire purpose.  I did not place any blame, I just said what’s been on my mind.

I have no regrets with what I did, and I am very happy that I did it.  Remember, if you are going through the same experience, write your feelings down, and then decide what you want to do next.

And as always…